The ABC’s of Conscious Parenting
What exactly is Conscious Parenting Anyways? And why does it matter?
Conscious parenting is about taking a mindful approach in raising kind, resilient and thriving children. It has gained traction for many reasons, one of which is how much of it is supported by the compelling neuroscience research.
Studies have shown that responsive parenting promotes healthy brain development in children. When we consistently meet children's needs with warmth and sensitivity, it builds a deeper secure attachment that influences neural circuitry related to emotion regulation and stress response.
When we express empathy, talk through how to regulate our own emotions and co-regulate with them, it helps to cultivate their own capacity for empathy and self-regulation. Mirror neuron systems in the brain facilitate this emotional resonance, showing how children learn through imitation and observation of our behaviours and emotional expressions.
The prefrontal cortex, responsible for higher-order cognitive functions such as decision-making and impulse control, undergoes significant development during childhood. Our modeling of these skills and providing opportunities for children to practice them in safe environments contribute to the maturation of these neural networks.
Studies have revealed that children raised with conscious awareness exhibit differences in brain structure and function compared to traditional parenting. For instance, neuroimaging studies have shown that areas of the brain associated with emotion regulation, such as the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala, demonstrate greater connectivity and activation in children who experience sensitive and attuned caregiving.
Conscious parenting aligns with the principles of neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to adapt and rewire in response to experiences. By understanding the neuroscience behind conscious parenting, we can make informed decisions that support optimal brain development and emotional well-being our children
Research suggests that the benefits of conscious parenting extend beyond childhood, influencing cognitive and socio-emotional functioning into adulthood.
Studies on brain development in children raised with conscious awareness provide compelling evidence for the profound influence of mindful parenting practices on neural growth and organization of thoughts on how they view the world. By fostering environments rich in emotional attunement, empathy, and responsiveness, we can promote optimal brain development and lay the foundation for a lifelong of well-being.
The Core Principles of Conscious Parenting, The ABC’s:
The core principles of setting up a new framework in Conscious Parenting can be more easily remembered with The ABC’s of Conscious Parenting.
Attachement + Attunement:
The "A" is Attachment and Attunement. This is really our ability to connect, nurture, and to empathize, and intuit our children's underlying needs. To attune to their emotions and to what's going on within them. It's about creating relationship.
I'm talking about in the relationship that we develop. Kids need to be "attached" to a caregiver. They are attached to their primary caregivers, it's great when there are a lot of people taking care of the kids, when they have several attachments to close adults. But as long as they have one primary attachment, someone that's their home base, that's going to love them unconditionally, non-judgmentally. Not in the sense that we just allow behaviours, but in a way that we can understand, with a bit of empathy that this was a mistake, that it was led by emotions. That we're organizing these patterns of thought and it's fueling our behaviors based on what we need.
Brain Science:
The second part is about Brain science - the brain science behind development -how the brain develops and how our kids develop. There will be more to follow on this later but for now just knowing a few basics about the brain development of our children can be really helpful so that you can understand how to set appropriate limits and devise these healthy boundaries by understanding the brain-body connection so that you can help your kids regulate and know what area of the brain they're actually [developing]. Where are they developmentally? Because when we're born, up until in toddlerhood, they don't have access to any of those higher skills yet. They don't have any executive function, which is where things like forethought, planning, empathy, consideration, sharing, that's just not online yet.
Sometimes we can expect a lot from a two or three-year-olds because from time to time they can perform those executive function skills, but really, their main development at that age, between zero and four, is focused in the midbrain -the emotional development. It's really about them understanding their emotions - these big, big feelings, these body sensations that completely overwhelm them and they don't know what to do. They don't know what they're called or what they are yet and often they're just told to behave, to "stop" feeling them or "be quiet." and that doesn't really help them.
It's really about understanding, "What stage is my child at?" If they are older but never really taught how to properly process these feelings or if there was some trauma, whether that be medical trauma, divorce, moving, international moves can be really traumatic, depending on the age of the child, and the stress that's going on. All kinds of things, having operations, adoption can be traumatic for kids. There are so many different things that can influence brain development. So, know that just because your child may be six, that doesn't mean that they've mastered all of these executive functions - these executive skills - because development goes through - all the way into our early 20s. This is going to really help us set appropriate boundaries and reframe some of our expectations because sometimes our expectations are a little bit above and beyond what our kids can handle.
Compassionate Communication:
Compassionate communication. This is the third part of the ABC - this umbrella that everything falls under. Communicating in a way that is respectful, clear and expressing what we really need and feel.
To communicate in a way that defuses the negative tension, stay in your own skin and communicate in a way that nobody can argue with you because you're not attacking them.
You are not going to be blaming, shaming, judging or dismissing so it's really hard to argue with someone who is speaking clearly and solely about themselves, and about what they feel and need.
It defuses that negative tension by taking the adversarial tone out of our communications. And this is, again, a practice.
